Its Been A Long Long Time
Sometimes you have to tell random people random things in order to feel better. It hasn't really worked for me lately but I'm still trying it because I think I've been telling the wrong things to the wrong sorts of people.
I don't really like the person I've become. I never thought I'd have to say that. Despite many regrets and mishaps I've always gotten through it because I've always liked who I am as a person. Right now I don't like me. I made alot of changes trying to be alot of different things, trying to keep up with people I thought had left me behind. I should have let them leave, I shouldn't have given in I should have stood up for what I believed in before I became addicted to the new way of being. I wanted things to stay the same, i didn't relies that I was making changes in order for that to happen, and when you really think about that how much sense does that make? I did want to change alot of things though; changes I thought would make me happier.
I wanted to be more popular,
I wanted to hang out with more people,
I wanted to go to more parties,
Honestly, I wanted to date more boys.
So I made all that stuff happen for me (I'm actually quite good at setting things in motion when I want to be), thinking its what I wanted. But looking back it hasn't really made me any happier. I just get drunk more often and do more stupid things, and don't let anyone tell you that being drunk doesn't make you do stupid things, because it does. And I just can't be happy with myself because none of the stuff I use to stand for is there anymore, I lost it somewhere along the way. I lost it somewhere in the changes that were suppose to make me happier.
And I go to more parties, but my grades are terrible
And I talk to more people, but I have less friends
And I spend alot more time with boys, but there all the wrong kind and none of them will ever be a relationship
And I'm more popular, but with the wrong sort of people.
And I wondering how I get back to where I once belonged.